Halloween

Just a short post to show off some Halloween pics...I found the boys super cute costumes that were a heavy fleece which was perfect since it was COLD this year!  M wanted to be a pirate which of course meant a red and black tutu, blinged out eyepatch (heart shaped no less), a blingy shirt and a parrot - complete with its own bow.  We hit the church carnival, then headed to Lewisville for their big event.    

 

Three months later

Wow, I've been busy!  I didn't realize it had been so long since my last entry.  Guess that's what happens when you're juggling a 5-year old, twins, a full-time job and a gazillion other activities and obligations.  Time does fly when you're having fun........or when you're exhausted beyond belief. 

So the boys are a little over 3 months old now and both healthy, happy little chunks!  Big sister is still totally in love with them and now B and I are starting to get a little more sleep at night.  It's fun to see them start to develop little personalities. 

As amazing as our new little additions are doing, are dealing with something a little worrisome with G right now.  At his 2 month check-up, our pediatrician noticed that he had quite a bit of stiffness in his neck and also his little legs had pretty high muscle tone.  She recommended that we go to a consultation with a pediatric physical therapist just so she could show us some exercises we could do with him to loosen those muscles up.  When we went for the evaluation the PT asked if we had been told what his diagnosis by the doctor was.  I told her 'no' and she said that he had been diagnosed with "Infantile Cerebral Palsy". 

The last thing you want to hear is that your baby may have a disability of any kind.  I don't know about Brandon, but when I found out we were having two little boys, I immediately envisioned being at t-ball and soccer games and cheering them on as they rounded home plate or made a goal...but when I heard the words "cerebral palsy" my heart sank. Not so much because he would never be able to play sports but because he might not be able to run and play with his brother.  In the span of about 20 seconds, I had thoughts of "Will he resent his brother?", "Is this my fault for putting in two embryos, did he not have enough room all those months inside me?".  However, I knew none of that mattered now.  So I bit my lip so I wouldn't cry, and just asked what our next step was.  For the next hour she showed us several different exercises to do at home to help those muscles.  We were referred to Our Children's House which is through Baylor Health System for a follow up and therapy. 

I was on the phone with my brother that evening telling him what we had found out, and after we hung up my sister-in-law called.  She asked if I had heard of Early Childhood Intervention and recommended that I give them a call.  It's a state service and everyone qualifies for it (you just have to be referred).  The very next day I gave them a call and they referred him with a quick call to his pediatrician.  We will start physical therapy with them soon and hope to have good results for our little G-Man!

Guess Who's Home??

Cooper is finally home!  He was in the NICU/Special Care for a total of 5 weeks, but he decided he'd had enough of hospital food, and was ready to come home.  This little guy had a tough start, but he is doing great!  Since he was on a ventilator and had so many breathing issues for so long, I will admit that I'm a little afraid to fall asleep at night.  We don't have monitors and alarms to let us know if he stops breathing, and no nurses to run in....but I know the doctors wouldn't have sent him home if they weren't confident that he was strong and healthy enough.  So I just say an extra prayer before we go to sleep and thank God that I'm a really light sleeper!



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I hate when you download something and it seems to get "stuck".  That's kind of what we feel like in our house right now...we're stuck at 80%.  Garrett has been home now since Monday, but Cooper is still in the Special Care Nursery.  However, he was way more sick than G and I know that slow and steady progress is the best thing.  Plus, to be honest, it has been nice to be able to adjust to having a baby in the house again without being totally shell-shocked with two at a time!  

It seems like months ago I was getting wheeled into the operating room to deliver the boys, but in reality it was just 3 short weeks ago.  Since then, it's unbelievable to see how far both little guys have come.  We're so incredibly blessed with two healthy babies and God continues to bless us with each day.  

Here is the latest picture of G, lounging around....quite a difference from a couple weeks ago!

Hopefully soon Cooper will be right beside his little brother.........

Surprise!

Well this has been an eventful few weeks to say the least.  After being in the hospital on bed rest for a little over a month, I woke up on July 6th around 2:00 am to what I thought was a contraction.  Several minutes another one came, then another and I knew this was probably the real deal.  I paged my nurse and off we went to Labor and Delivery.  I hesitated to call B until I knew for sure it was true labor.........after being monitored for about 30 minutes, it was clear that it was.  So after getting arrangements made for McKenna with our sweet neighbors, he gets to the hospital about 3:30.  After a couple hours, the monitoring and prepping was complete and it was time to meet our boys!

Since my first appointment after finding out we were pregnant, I had been a little nervous about having a c-section delivery.  Just the thought of being cut open while being awake is a little freaky.  But since it's the quickest and least stressful birth for twins, I knew it was my only option and I had no choice but to do a lot of  "It's OK, tons of women go through it" talk in my head.  

The dreaded (but at same time anticipated) words "OK, we're ready to wheel you back" came.  What a different experience it was from M's birth!  People who say that you lose all modesty when you give birth have NO idea!  There were a minimum of 12 people in the room at all times; each baby had a 3-4 person "team" assigned to them, plus my doctor, 2 anesthesiologists and a nurse or two for me.  From the time I was in the OR and prepped to go, the entire process took about 15 minutes until I was getting closed right back up.  It was unreal - the boys were just 2 minutes apart.  

After they made their arrival, they were quickly assessed and taken up to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit).  Of course Brandon followed them upstairs while the doctor finished up with me.  They were born a little before 6am and I didn't get to hold Garrett until that evening.  I couldn't hold Cooper until several days later.  It's a little depressing not having any contact with your new baby when they are born.  Of course B made sure and snapped a few pictures of them to show me.  

The evening they were born, my nurse took me on a stretcher to see them.  Man, the NICU is an intimidating place.  There are bells and whistles going off constantly, then you see your tiny babies laying there helpless with tubes and wires connected to their noses, mouths, feet and everywhere else.  At first glance, it takes your breath away.  When I was first admitted to the hospital, I ordered a book titled The Preemie Parent's Guide to the NICU since I knew they would be coming quite a bit earlier than planned.  Although it was an extremely thorough and helpful book, nothing could have prepared me for actually going through those doors for the first time.  

Without going into detail about each baby, we had a total of 11 days in the NICU with varying degrees of ventilators, CPAP machines, problems and triumphs.  The boys "graduated" to the Special Care Nursery, which is an intermediate-type nursery and is the next step to coming home.  Thank God both little guys are doing extremely well and growing stronger every day.  Now they are just working on eating and growing as much as possible before we bring them home.  After they are able to take all 8 feedings through a bottle they will be released.  We still have a ways to go but hopefully by my originally scheduled c-section date, they will be home.  

After two months, I won't quite know how to react to our entire family finally being under one roof....maybe a "party at my crib", say 2 am??

Introducing our newest arrivals!!

Wow, I feel like I've been waiting nearly 4 years to write this post!  After a LONG wait, M is finally a big sister!!  Here they are, Michael Cooper & William Garrett:

Cooper:  4 lbs 13 ozs

 

Garrett:  4 lbs 6 ozs

 

Both babies are doing well considering they are 7 weeks early, but they need a little help for now.  Cooper is on a ventilator and CPAP and Garrett is on oxygen.  Both will be fed through a tube until they are a little more stable.  They are both as cute as can be, and it's a little surreal now that they're finally here!

Unfortunately I haven't been able to hold either one yet but they need to concentrate on getting settle into their new temporary home down in the NICU.  Hopefully I will get to hold G later on today!

 







Two weeks, two days - zero insanity. Yet.

It's been a little over 2 weeks since I was admitted to the hospital and I don't think any two-week span in my life has ever dragged by so slowly.  My new c-section date has been set for July 14th (34 weeks and 2 days along)....24 days away!  Of course that means a little over 3 weeks to go and I get to meet my sweet baby boys, but as I count down the days until "freedom", here's what else it means:

- 23 more nights in an uncomfortable hospital bed

- 66 more trays of bland hospital food

- 138 more blood pressure, temperature and pulse checks

- 11 more lab work ups

Not that I'm counting or anything.....

Lessons learned from bed rest

My doctor and I always talked about the possibility of partial bed rest at home, but I never imagined I would be faced with spending 6 weeks on hospital bed rest.  I'm a little over two weeks in, and have a long 3 1/2 weeks left.  But there's not a thing I can do about it and I know it's the best thing for the boys.  

It's not easy.  In fact, it downright stinks.  It's dull, boring and lonely.  It can even be depressing at times.  But in the midst of my boredom, I've tried to keep a positive outlook and have seen that there may even be some lessons to be learned from it.  

1.  My husband rocks.

No seriously, I've been blessed with an amazing partner.  When we went to the hospital a couple of weeks ago to get checked out, I wasn't the only one stunned to hear that I wouldn't be leaving until delivery.  Within seconds, he was faced with the reality of becoming both Dad AND Mom for the next several weeks.  Without warning, he had to take in the fact that he would be taking care of McKenna alone every day, doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, grocery shopping, etc.  And I've yet to hear him complain about it.  

2.  This control freak has to learn how to let go!

I can't worry about the condition of the house.  I have to let go of the fact that I can't pick up M from school every day and play with her at night.  I have to let go of the thought that I can't finish the nursery, or cook dinner for my family, or sit in the backyard watching McKenna play in the sprinklers or watering the plants.  I can't take her to swim lessons now.  I would give anything to just go home and vacuum, but I can't.  And I gotta let it go.  

3.  Manners matter

My parents always taught us how to "mind our manners".  "Please" and "thank you" go a long way, especially when you're at the mercy of a dozen different nurses and techs.  One of the nurses commented that I was never rude to them during my 4:00am vitals check or when they wake me up at 6am to draw blood.  I just can't imagine people being rude to them.  Not only are THEY helping ME, but just because I'm in a less than ideal situation doesn't mean I have to drag them into it.  They are doing their job, and that job benefits the babies....so yes, please stick me with a needle at 6:00 in the morning if it means making sure I'm not getting an infection!

4.  What?  You expect me to ASK for help?!?

This is a big one for me.  I'm extremely independent....I just don't ask for help.  The first thing we heard in our "Preparing for Multiples" class that we took is 'You will have to ask for help.'  

Yeah right, watch me.

  I can't grasp that concept for some reason.  Maybe it's a pride thing, which is wrong, but I just think that if I am adult enough to have a home and 3 kids, then I'm adult enough to take care of it all.....by myself (and B of course).  I pride myself on having it all together 99% of the time - I'm the Mom, it's my job.  People have constantly told me that if Brandon or I need anything while I'm here, just ask.  And I love our friends and family for that - and we have had to ask for help since I've been in here.  It's just been hard for me to accept because I know it's an imposition.  Ugh.

I have to confess:  my right leg could be hanging by a thread and I would just hop on my left leg to find something to stop the bleeding myself.  So the thought of someone bringing over food just because I had a baby or was in the hospital bothers me because I'm supposed to be able to do it myself.  That being said, I wouldn't think twice about taking food to someone or helping someone else out - I wouldn't think less of them for needing help.  So why do I think less of myself for asking for it?  Hmmm....maybe Dr. Phil should come visit me while I'm here!  

I even do it with the nurses, if I was in labor I would have to push the nurse call button, but for something like a water refill or help with the fetal monitor?  I'll just manage myself.  

5.  Thankfulness.

I try and remember to never take anything for granted, but bed rest has really taught me to count my blessings everyday.  

I'm thankful for a supportive husband who thinks nothing of stepping into the Mom role, who brings McKenna to see me whenever possible and has yet to complain about it.

I'm thankful for neighbors who have stepped up and helped Brandon with everything from watering plants, picking M up from school and brushing the dog.  

I'm thankful that we in America are afforded the best medical care, and here in Dallas we have some of the best hospitals and specialists to look after me and the little beans. 

I'm thankful for the ability to just be able to go outside and take a walk, sit on my back porch and visit with friends, or to be able to go to the movies on a whim.  

So many small things that on a daily basis I have taken for granted, but never again.  I'm just.....thankful. 

Unexpected weekend plans

Talk about a change of plans!  

If you know me, you know that I don't like surprises.  I had a pretty normal weekend planned, which mainly consisted of getting my filthy house back in tact after slacking off on laundry and cleaning during the week.  We were going to try to finish the nursery, cook out with the neighbors and just stay in.  

But Saturday morning those planned abruptly changed.  

I thought something might be wrong Friday night on my way home from work.  I felt some unusual "trickling" while we were eating dinner, but it soon stopped so I dismissed it.  The next morning I got up and took a shower immediately because I sort of felt like something might be wrong....I had felt some more fluid coming from me every so often and felt like it was probably amniotic fluid.  Of course we wanted to be safe rather than sorry, so as soon as we were showered and dressed, we packed a bag for M, sent her to the neighbors' house and headed to the hospital.   

As soon as we got checked in, they checked me and confirmed that my water had broken.  About an hour later, I was admitted and told that I would be in the hospital until the babies were born.  At only 28 weeks, that could mean a LONG stay.  The babies were checked out and thankfully both are still doing great - it was Baby A's sac that ruptured, but he still has fluid around him and in his lungs and tummy which is a great sign.  On the drive into Dallas, I told God that I was handing the situation over to Him to handle and He was kept both me and the babies free of infection and harm.  I am in some of the most capable hands in Dallas and have access to some of the best OBs, perinatologists and neonatologists around.  I have a complete peace of mind that everything will be OK.

Now the main goal is to hold off labor as long as possible, at least for 4 more weeks.  I have been having very sporadic contractions but none consistent enough to be of any concern.  For now I'm on strict bed rest but may be able to get up by tomorrow long enough to take a quick shower (hallelujah!!).  

My main concern is for Brandon and M.  She really doesn't grasp how long I will be away from home and how hard all of this will be on Daddy.  My advice to B?  Call a MAID, forget about housework and concentrate on M and his job.  Of course he has just applied for a new position at his company and there will be a lot of prep work on his part to get ready for the interview process.  Thankfully, we have amazing friends, family and neighbors who have let us know that they are available to us for whatever we need, and I know what a huge blessing that is!  

Now ............lunch.  Mmmm, wonder what's under the mystery tray today?  

Forget linebackers....maybe sumo wrestlers??

I had my regular visit with the Perinatologist yesterday and he saw just what I was hoping for...2 growing, healthy babies! 

However, he did preface the sonogram with this statement:  "Well, I will tell you that your boys definitely won't be the smallest ones in the nursery!!"  Wow.  Last month they were both around 1 lb 4 ozs.  In a month, they've each grown one whole pound (plus a little)!  Of course they've always measured big - even at our first sono at 7 weeks they were a few days ahead.  In most cases, this would be a case of miscalculation of the due date but since we know the exact date I became pregnant thanks to my IVF, they are just plain big boys! 

The doctor said that at this stage, most twins should measure right under two pounds and at the 30th percentile of a single baby.  Not my overachievers!  They are at the 60% percentile - one at 2 lb 5 ozs and the other at 2 lb 7 ozs.  I asked if this meant I ran the risk of going into labor early and he said "No, you'll just be way more uncomfortable."  Sweet.  Actually, it is sweet - my goal is to have big healthy babies, no matter how miserable I get towards the end.  I know the smaller their birth weight, the more time they will more likely spend in the NICU and of course I want to avoid that if at all possible.

Maybe this will get me out of work a little earlier than expected - and getting paid to sit at home on my big behind sounds pretty dang good right now to tell you the truth!  Especially now that the temperature outside is heating up...

Sweetness x 2

We had one with McKenna and swore we'd never do it again....I'm talking about a 3-D sonogram.  Neither my OB or the Perinatologist use 3-D technology like some doctors.  They both say they get much better images, measurements and test results with the black and white 2-D.  And since of course I know I'm there solely for the health of the babies and not my entertainment, I will happily pay for that little "extra" glimpse. 

When we did McKenna's, I was actually a little too far along and we didn't get great pictures of her.  But just like labor pains, you tend to forget things from one pregnancy to the next and I convinced Brandon that we should pony up the $150 and do another one with the twins.  My argument?  McKenna would love to get a sneak peak at her brothers' faces!  And actually when I say "convinced Brandon", I mean that I went home on Friday and told him that we had a 3-D sonogram booked for the next day.  Oops. 

I was nearly 26 weeks along when we went in, which is the optimal time for twins (before they run out of room).  Mom was in town and our neighbor went with us also.  The one that I thought would be most interested in it was the LEAST interested - big sister.  I think it was a little overwhelming for her, going into a dark room and seeing me up on a table with a lady poking and prodding at my belly.  Understandable for someone her age.  So she opted to sit on the couch and play games on Daddy's phone instead! 

Once the sonogram started, the technian immediately noticed what I notice on a daily basis....one of the boys is insanely active!  I'm not talking a few kicks every hour - that stinker is punching, rolling and kicking throughout the entire day.  He will stop in the early evening, then start right back up just as I'm trying to go to sleep!  It's pretty crazy.  In fact, from our first sonogram, every doctor has commented on just how much he moves around.  The other one is Mr. Laid Back.  However, during the sonogram, we saw exactly WHY he was so laid back...the poor thing literally had his back turned to the other one and his hands over his face!  He's just wanting a nap and his brother won't stop kicking him!  In fact, I don't even know if the pictures below are of both babies, or just the one that was being still!  The tech had a really tough time getting him to slow down enough for us to even get a quick glimpse of him!  It will be really interesting to see if they have those same personalities once they are born and as they grow older. 

After it was said and done, we got a few really good pictures.  In a little less than 3 months, I'll get to see these sweet faces in person!

Introducing (sort of):  Cooper & Garrett!!



No news is good news

The saying is true:  "No news is good news."  So this post is really about nothing.  How wonderfully boring our lives have become lately (and we are loving every minute of it)!  We are done with the house, over the IVF roller coaster and now - praise God - we are just coasting along waiting patiently to meet our two new additions in a few weeks! 

On the baby (or babies) front, they are doing great.  Healthy and growing!  I am really feeling them punch and kick now and I'd forgotten what an amazing feeling that is!  What's not amazing??  My fatness.  Oh. My. Word....I am HUGE!  But of course I'd gain 100 pounds if it meant delivering two fat, healthy babies!  Luckily, my doctor says my weight is right on track and everything looks good (but she only sees me with my clothes on!).  I am still going to my regular OB as well as a Perinatologist once a month each, and soon to be twice a month each.  As of April 21st, one baby was at 1 lb 4 ozs, the other at 1 lb 6 ozs.  McKenna happened to put her hand on my stomach at just the right time the other day and felt one of the babies kick....her jaw dropped open and the look on her face was priceless.  I can't wait until she can really feel them moving around in there! 

The most exciting news on the house front is that we're getting a new refrigerator this weekend.  See, I told you our lives had become boring!  Oh, and let's not forget that we still need to paint the front and back doors to top off the remodel.  However, we're so excited to be able to relax on the weekends rather than spend the entire time working that we've been completely lazy lately.  We know the doors are begging us for paint, but we keep blowing them off.  Things like trips to the zoo and movie nights are WAY more fun! 

I know in a few short weeks (12 to be exact), we'll hit a fast and furious pace again...but in a much cooler way!  We'll trade our paint buckets and grout for receiving blankets and bottles.  But for now, I'm trying to slow down and enjoy the boring ride!!

Told ya I was HUGE!!!

 

What's in a name?

Well, a lot if you're trying to name a baby....much less two at a time! 

We have been going back and forth on name choices for awhile now.  And it's pretty much my fault.  Well kinda.  I say "my fault" because before I even had the embryo transfer done, I felt like #1, we would have twins and #2, they would be boys.  So I always had the names Cooper and Jackson in my head from before day 1.  When we found out that we were in fact having two boys, I assumed this would just be their names....surely Brandon would like them, right? 

Wrong.  Luckily he did like Cooper, but Jackson....not so much.  I do agree that Jackson is getting to be pretty common which we tried to avoid when naming M and I wanted to avoid this time around as well.  But I've also loved that name forever - or since I first saw Steel Magnolias.  It just sounds like a good, strong Southern name.  Too bad so many other people think so too. 

One thing was for sure - we weren't going to name them anything starting with the letter M or even the same letter just for the twins.  And definitely nothing too matchy sounding or names that rhyme.  Those things might be cute as babies, but they are individual and we want their names to reflect that as babies, teenagers and adults.   

So after determining that the name Jackson was a losing battle, I set out to agree on a name for poor Baby B.  The list included several names but most were quickly whittled down:  Levi - my 2nd and only other choice, but I wanted a name close to the same length as Cooper and longer than our last name (yes, I'm picky!).  Brandon's picks included:  Parker - on my list of potential girl names (same as Hayden and a few others).  Preston - my neighbor Preston in college was arrested for drug dealing, OUT.  Carter - starts with a C and doesn't sound good with Ware.  Brody - sounds like a dumb jock.  Colton - starts with a C, a little country sounding, and I do NOT want people calling him Colt.

*sigh*

We also knew what the middle names were going to be:  William for one and Michael for the other.  Michael is B's first name and William is the first name of my dad, brother and grandfather.  So whatever names we picked had to "jive" with the middle names.  Finally after a lot of persistence and campaigning from both sides, we came to a concensus (or me giving in to a name that I hated the least).  I shouldn't say that and I would never ever tell my precious Baby B that I picked his name because I "hated it the least".  But it just wasn't the one that I've had in my mind for months now.  I know I will grow to love it and the second I lay eyes on my sweet baby I will love it even more! 

...And drumroll, please.

FINALLY, the boys have official names (or official as of today!):

Michael Cooper Ware  and  William Garrett Ware

Although Brandon isn't crazy about the whole call-them-by-their-middle-name thing, the names flow better this way.  He is Michael Brandon and is forever getting calls for "Michael Ware" and having to say "This is Michael, but I go by Brandon".  My brother is the same way, as is B's brother.  But this is the way it is, and I suspect that they'll survive.  And I'm just happy they finally have names that we both agree on!

Survey says.........

B O Y S  !!

I had an appointment with my high risk specialist this morning and not only did we find out that both babies were perfectly healthy and right on track with growth, we found out that both are boys.  I'd just felt all along that this is what we would have, and my instinct was right!

In fact, we had McKenna with us since we knew we would find out the sexes today and the second she heard "two boys" she started crying!  She really had her heart set on having a brother AND a sister, and she was shocked not to hear the news she was expecting.  But of course after I explained to her that some mommies went to that "special doctor" because their babies were sick, and we were just happy to have two healthy babies, she was much better. 
Plus her realizing that she would still be the only princess in the house didn't hurt either!  I was just happy that both babies were the same sex...buying two wardrobes each season does NOT sound like my idea of fun!  Well, fun yes, affordable NO!

I know she'll love her little brothers like crazy and I can't wait to be a sports mom!  And Dad was pretty happy with the news as well......now he can look forward to his days as a (insert sport here) coach. 

Now the hard part - NAMES! 

I can breath a little!

Pregnancy is such a weird thing.  The minute you see those 2 pink lines, your whole perspective changes.  For me, this time around has been not only LONG awaited, but also a little scary.  Having twins at my age automatically puts me in the "high risk" category which brings on a whole onslaught of tests, cautions and doctor visits. 

Since I went through IVF, I've literally been involved in this pregnancy long before I was even pregnant - so it seems like it's taken months to get where I am today:  the 2nd trimester!!  Talk about a sense of relief to finally get past those first 12 weeks.  After having a couple of hiccups right at first, I was more than relieved to get that call from the perinatal specialist saying that the genetic marker test came back normal and everything looked great with the babies!  Of course, with any pregnancy comes a certain degree of risk and hopefully lots of prayers will see two perfecly healthy babies join our family. 

Now comes the fun stuff!  Registering for "gear", picking out names and the most fun of all...finding out the sex (just a few more weeks!) and decorating the nursery.  I just can't get over the fact that I'm 13 weeks pregnant - something I haven't seen in 6 years! 

To mark the occasion, Brandon bought me a new charm for my James Avery bracelet:  two peas in a pod.  Every time I see it dangling on my wrist, I will smile at where our family is in our journey and what God has allow us to overcome to get here.  Today we are very thankful! 

Maybe they call it "high risk" for a reason?!

What a weird 24 hours.  

First, let me preface this post by saying two things. 

 #1:  I promise not to post and whine about every little twitch, pain or scare.  I'm not that dramatic pregnant chick (we all know at least one!).  

#2:  If you don't want to read about blood or other gross girl stuff, just go ahead and close out of this puppy right now.  

Yesterday I got home from work, got M a snack and was going to change into some comfy clothes.  When I went into the bathroom and pulled my pants down my heart sank.  They were soaked with blood.  As I was wiping myself off, a little blueberry-sized blob of tissue appeared.  My heart sank even more.  I just knew I was losing one or both of the babies.  But just like the first episode of bleeding a few weeks earlier, I had no pain.  

I knew a couple of things.  First and foremost, I couldn't alarm M.  Also, if I was losing the pregnancy, there was nothing that could be done at that early stage....so I tried to stay as calm as possible and just do what needed to be done.  I called our neighbors who were able to watch M for me and I headed out to the hospital.  Brandon left work and was going to meet me there at the ER (I wanted to go to Labor and Delivery where I knew they could do a quick ultrasound but according to the nurse on call, they wouldn't see me until 20 weeks).  

After the initial gush of blood, it had stopped and I hadn't experienced any sort of cramping or pain.  After about 3 hours, blood tests and two ultrasounds, they saw both babies, and determined they were both fine.  The heartbeats were both strong and there was no sign of miscarriage.  What they couldn't determine was the cause of the bleeding.  My OB was on call and ordered 24 hours of bed rest which I gladly accepted.  

Thank God that I didn't lose a baby....or worse, both of them.  While I was sitting in our room in the ER I just made a promise to God that I would accept whatever He had in store for me and these babies.  If He was going to take away one or both, I would just have to trust that it was for a good reason and I would try again.  But I also prayed that since He had given us these two miracles, that He would allow us to keep them and that they would grow into healthy happy full-term babies!

My 24 hours chained to the couch is over and I'm still a little wary.  OK, paranoid actually.  I have realized that this pregnancy will be vastly different than my first and is truly high risk.  There are so many more issues carrying two babies, and I have to be cautious in everything that I do, eat and drink for their sake.  

 I don't know what the end result will be, but all I can do is believe that everything will be OK.  

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."  Matthew 21:22 

**Update:  Although I haven't had an ultrasound since the trip to the ER, I haven't had any more bleeding.  My doctor seems to think I had a SCH or Sub Chorionic Hematoma, a small blood clot that is common in IVF and/or twin pregnancies.  Apparently, it can get caught behind the uterus and when it bursts, you will have a gush of blood.  So that was good news, and a relief.  My next appt is 3 weeks away with the high risk doctor and hopefully we will get a clearer picture of the babies and their health.   

Am I about to wake up, or is it for real??!

Whew, what a whirlwind! And a long one at that.

After dozens of shots, blood tests, pills, ultrasounds, more trips to the doctor (and co-pays!) than I can count, a surgery (and this was just for IVF), a failed IUI, miscarriage, months of Clomid, four years of trying and literally everyone around us getting pregnant.......it's FINALLY our turn!

Yes, it is MY turn to say that I'M PREGNANT! 

About time, right?  Yeah, we think so too.  

Here is a brief synopsis (pictures make it more fun) of the last several weeks leading up to my long-awaited announcement:  


The "Box o' Torture" (aka: two months of IVF meds)



Dr. Evil Ware getting ready to give me one of my daily shots. These shots forced my ovaries to produce more follicles (which hold the eggs), so I would have as many as possible for the egg retrieval. He did something right...I had 24 eggs! Considering that you only produce one egg per month normally, I was haulin' around 2 years worth of eggs!

My poor tummy after about two weeks of 3 shots a day...there was a matching bruise on the other side. We try to be thorough!

Our tiny embryos right before they were transferred into me...aren't they cute??

OK, it's a face only a mother can love, but I was really excited to see how they had developed from the time of the retrieval to the day of the transfer. They were approximately 150 cells big at this point - the biggest "blobs" inside will become the baby.  The fact that we were able to see them so early still amazes me.

What a picture for the baby book!

 

 

We finished our first in-vitro cycle on the 5th of December and I was scheduled to go in on the 15th for the first pregnancy test. On the 11th, I started bleeding pretty heavily and I thought that either the embryos didn't implant and that was my cycle, or they had implanted but I was losing the pregnancy.

Thank God neither was the case.

I went in on the 13th (2 days early) for a blood test. Since it was earlier than they would normally test, the nurse warned me that they may not be able to get a good reading and if they were able to, it would only be about a 25.  That's the "beta number" that is the baseline hormone reading; you do a 2nd blood test approximately 2-3 days later and that number should double if you are indeed pregnant.  I wasn't very hopeful that we would get an answer that day, but there wasn't much I could do about it but sit and wait.  That afternoon she called me to tell me the beta came back at 62 which was a very strong number!

My only concern was, I was still bleeding.



The nurse assured me that the progesterone supplement I was on (to thicken my uterine lining and help implantation) was known to cause bleeding in some women and that there was really no cause to worry....I still didn't buy it.

With the last pregnancy, I had FOUR positive pregnancy tests - two home tests and two blood tests - but ended up miscarrying anyway. So of course I didn't let myself get excited just yet. Yes, I was being Debby Downer - but unless you've lost a baby you have no idea how paranoid getting pregnant again makes you! I just didn't want to get my hopes up too soon. 

After the initial test, I had to go again to make sure the numbers were doubling, or at least increasing by 67% every 2 days. The morning of December 16th, I got a call saying that not only did the numbers double, but they were at 292 (quadruple)!! But me being a skeptic, plus not having any luck in the baby department for quite some time, still didn't really believe what I was hearing. But at that point I breathed - a little.

However, that didn't stop me from taking half a dozen home tests in the following week! (Hey you try, and fail, for 4 years to get - and stay - pregnant and you start to believe it may never ever happen again!) 

But here it was.....in black and white! "Pregnant"!!! I took this after 2 blood tests at the doctors office - I still didn't believe it was true!

   

The first sonogram was done on January 3rd...what a way to start 2011! I was one day shy of being 7 weeks along. Measurements were right on track and so was the heart rate. The doctor said everything looked perfect, and the chances of another miscarriage were low.



Talk about a sigh of relief!  God is faithful and answered our prayers!!

 

**** Drumroll please ****



Our first sonogram picture!

  

  

If you are thinking to yourself that it sure looks like two babies in there....you're right! 

We are having TWINS!!



Oh mama.....twins! 

Of course, we were fully aware that if we chose to have 2 embryos transferred back, we would have around a 60% chance of twins. However, with my age and the length of time we'd been trying, two gave us the best chance of getting pregnant, and it's what our doctor recommended.  We couldn't be more excited!

The new additions are scheduled to make their debut sometime in August! 

Hello 2011! How I've longed to see you!

A new year is finally upon us.  I love the promise of a new year.....a fresh start, a clean slate.  A chance to right all of the wrongs of the previous year.  Of course for most people, New Years comes with a long list of extreme resolutions that will more than likely be broken by January 10th.  I've been there - lose 50 pounds, train for a 5K, find a better job.  Yeah, hasn't happened. 

This year I have already made a resolution but it's a little less extreme.  Simplify.  That's it.  Simplify my life.  In today's society, that's hard.  Technology makes things so much easier for us, but not necessarily simpler.  We seem to be glued to cell phones, updating statuses on social sites, and texting away.  I have vowed to pick up my phone less often, keep the TV off longer and focus on the things that really matter:  my family and my home.  Of course I focus on them now, but I tend to put way too many irons in the fire and overextend myself.  Not to mention letting distractions draw me away from what's most important to me.

The basics of my "Simplify" theme for 2011 are well, pretty basic. 

1) Live by a meal plan (therefore going to the grocery store a maximum of one time per week).  How much wasted time is spent making a "quick" stop at the store simply because you're unprepared for the next meal?

2) Stop saying "yes" to every single request, invite, etc...even though I hate saying 'no'.  I will say yes to what is priority and politely decline the rest.  

3)  Let more calls go to voicemail when I'm in the middle of something with my family; Do I really have to answer that call or text?  99% of the time, the answer is no.  I can return the call later. 

4)  This is a huge one:  Turn the TV off (and actually eliminate cable altogether!)  Seriously, think about how many hours are wasted each week filling our heads with worthless crap!  It's ridiculous when you think about it....even though we record most of our favorite shows and watch them as we have spare time, we could be using that spare time for something much more productive.  This one has become a major goal of mine!

5)  Read more books; maybe try to read through the Bible in a year.  I absolutely LOVE to read and I can see that M already loves books as well.  So why don't I read more, and read more books to M?.  "No time". 

But I would have plenty of time to read if I turned off the TV - just a hunch, but I'd probably get a lot more out of reading a good book or getting into a Bible-reading plan than worrying about Keeping up with the Kardashians.  Ugh.  Who I really need to keep up with is the Wares.

6)  Get out of debt.  I had a couple of previous posts about this, but this is a major one for us.  Debt completely takes over your life and you become a slave to it.  I wasn't made to be a slave...God wants us to have rich lives and debt robs us of that.  I wasn't able to stay at home with M because two incomes have been a necessity for us.  Why would we want to continue living that same pattern? 

7)  Have a concrete plan for each and every day.  This is probably the biggest time waster for us in the mornings.  Scrambling to find keys, phones or whatever else I haven't organized the night before is just ridiculous.  If I just have a plan, a roadmap, for each day I will be able to start each day with much less (or no) stress and ultimately have a better day.  And who doesn't want to have a better day, every day?

I want to start the year off right by putting my resolution into play immediately.  With one going to Kindergarten, me going back to college and *maybe* a new baby or TWO in the house, I will need all the simplification (and extra time) I can get!!

After the 2010 we've had, I really can't wait to welcome 2011 in tonight!!!

Dear 2011: Bring. It. On.

Brandon and I are pretty pumped about 2011.  I'm never one to wish time away, but 2010 kinda sucked, and I'm really kind of ready to show it the door. 

First, we had our house deal go terribly wrong and subsequently will cost us in the ballpark of $17,000 to not only save it from foreclosure (thanks property "manager"), but also repair it and make it liveable again.  Over the summer, we got news from our doctor that we had 0-1% chance of ever having a baby on our own.  Then most recently, Brandon had a wreck which totaled our near-paid-off car. 

As crappy as all those events were, we have really tried to see the positive in all of it. 

1.  Yes, The Great House Debacle was a royal nightmare that we still haven't fully recovered from.  It drained any savings we had, plus sucked up all of our extra money each month making it nearly impossible to rebuild savings.  BUT we caught the situation in time and was able to take it back from the property manager before it did reach foreclosure. 

2.  No one wants to hear that you won't be able to have a baby without IVF.  I remember my heart dropping to my stomach when I heard my doctor tell me the bad news.  However, God put me in a job that covers fertility treatments up to $20,000!  Talk about divine intervention.  Because of that, I was able to be treated by one of the top fertility specialists in the country and just finished my first IVF.  And thankfully, the doctor discovered the problem which allowed us to immediately move on to other options.

3.  Yeah, wrecks suck.  Especially when you total a car.  But Brandon walked away without a scratch, which is the most important thing.  We were able to get exactly what we wanted for the car and it will actually be a good thing in the long run. 

 

2011:  A year that will not suck!

Hurry up and wait...and wait...

Whew, IVF #1 is officially done. 

I thought I would never make it through all of the doctor visits, blood tests SHOTS and procedures.  But I did!  It was such a hard couple of months, physically and emotionally, but I feel much stronger because of it.  I am definitely relieved that that part is over, but now comes the most horrible part of this whole process - the wait before the pregnancy test. 

Although we transferred two very high quality embryos, there's a very real possibility that neither one will implant into my uterine wall.  I think the success rate on the first round is somewhere around 30-40%.  Granted, that's 30-40% higher than we have of getting pregnant on our own, AND my insurance is paying for it...so I'll absolutely take it! 

Lucky for us, our doctor is one of the few around that does 5-day embryo transfers.  You have to have an extremely skilled ARTS department to be able to handle embryos that are over 3 days, and Presby Plano is one of those.  The reason why five-day transfers have a higher success rate is because on day 3 (three days after the egg retrieval), the embryos are only about 6-10 cells big.  But by day five, they have grown from 6-10 cells to 100-200 cells!  The embryologist can take a much closer look at the quality of the pitri babies and grade them on a stricter scale.  By this time, the actual "baby" part of the cell can be distinguished from the rest of the embryo. 

So, our two "grade B" embryos (extremely rare to have a "grade A") were successfully transferred back to me and now a week from today, we will have our first beta number.  By Christmas, we will know for sure if all of the torture was worth it!