I can't find my Big Girl Panties, but I know they're here somewhere!

Great, it's almost here.  IVF. Well, it's not here yet but it's pretty dang close.  It just sounds scary.  And my jitters are so thick you can cut them with a knife.  I go Friday for my baseline sonogram and blood work to get this ball rollin'.  If everything looks normal in Uterusville, I should be able to start my pills and injections on Saturday then after approximately 10-12 days, I will go in for the (gulp) egg retrieval. 

I feel like a hen....laying eggs just to have the farmer, or in my case a doctor, come in and rob the hen house!  At least I'll get a couple of my eggs back, and hopefully they'll hatch. 

I don't think I'll be able to eat scrambled eggs for awhile...Moving right along.

As scared as I am about it, I am fascinated at the thought of all these little embryos growing outside of my body - little 8-cell babies!  Hopefully once they get transferred back (I keep saying 'they'...I will have 2 transferred, so yes, possible twins), they'll find their new accomodations welcoming and stick around for awhile.  I mean, my belly is like a Hilton suite....lots of good food and let's face it - plenty of room. 

But it kind of hit me yesterday that this is IT. We're really preparing for IVF...something I said I would NEVER do. But as the saying goes, "Never say never" and I have definitely eaten my words. Truth be told, I said I would never do it because I didn't think we would ever have to consider it. But when it comes down to it, it's the only way we'll ever be able to have more kids. And when you're faced with that reality, the choice is a lot more clear (and easy).  Isn't that a pregnancy test or something?  Obviously I'm a little distracted today.

I have been on birth control pills for 21 days now (yes, birth control - weird, I know).  The doctor wanted to basically shut down my ovaries so that I wouldn't ovulate before the ideal time....don't you picture an assembly line coming to a screeching halt?  When the nurse said I would have to be on birth control for nearly a full month before even starting any of the "real stuff", it seemed light years away.  But now it's all right around the corner and I'm trying my best to hide my fear.  The last thing I need is B thinking I'm going all hormone-crazy already!  There will be plenty of that in the coming weeks, with or without a pregnancy.   

Well this blog entry totally did not have much of a point...other than IVF is upon us. 

And I'm poop-your-pants scared.