Believe it or not, there's an Infertility Awareness Month. And it's October!

So there is truly an "awareness month" for everything. October is generally covered in pink ribbons in support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but it is also Infertility Awareness Month.

What better time to list all of the things people should NOT say to women (or men for that matter), who are dealing with infertility! I've personally heard the first 4 of these already, but I'm just waiting to hear #5...I know it's coming one day.

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1. "Just be thankful that you have one child already!"

OK, really? Yes, I'm one of the very lucky women who was able to have a baby before infertility struck. But how insensitive. Would people say that to someone who had two kids, but one died? Of course not. Everyone is thankful for their child whether it's me with just my daughter, or Michelle Duggar with 19 (and counting). That doesn't change the fact that we want to have more kids.

2. "Oh, just relax!"

This is my personal favorite. Also known as "Just quit worrying about it!" or "Don't stress!" It literally makes my skin crawl. Nothing about being treated for infertility can possibly be relaxing. It's almost like insisting that we're doing something wrong by thinking and worrying about all of the tests, procedures and everything else that is involved. Yes, relax - that's all it'll take! Ugh.

3. "Well, you can just adopt."

The fact is, adoption isn't a good fit for every family. Actually, we have discussed adoption, but decided that it isn't for us. I know people who are adopted, and people who have adopted and have nothing but positive stories. I also know a couple who, after several failed IVF attempts, chose to live without children.

People seem to lump adoption as the go-to solution after fertility treatments have run their course. I guess they figure that if a couple is desparate enough for a baby, they'll do whatever they can.

Besides, adoption isn't always an option financially. We personally don't have $20,000+ for adoption expenses. I'm lucky enough that my insurance covers a big chunk of fertility treatments, but it only $10,000 towards adoption. And even then it's reimbursed after the fact.

4. "What if you have twins?!"

Then we'll have 3 kids. I mean what else can you say?? Then we'll buy a minivan. And lots of diapers. I can honestly imagine worse things.

5. "How much does that COST!?"

"How much do you make?" "How much is your house payment?" "Can you afford your car?" Yeah, those are personal questions that I would never ask someone....see where I'm going with this??

The fact is, some people drain their savings for these procedures. Again, I'm lucky enough to have some insurance coverage for mine - but I still cannot imagine anyone asking me this question and expecting to get a response (or at least a non-snarky one)!

It's almost as bad as getting "Are you going to breastfeed?" from a perfect stranger (which by the way, I had a FABULOUS answer to).

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Since this is something that hits home with me, I really think people should be more aware of what a big issue this really is for a lot of couples. There's so much more involved than going in one day, getting an IVF and becoming pregnant. It's a roller coaster of emotions and feelings that most women will never have to go through. 
 

You're scared of it not working, but you're almost scared for it to work - because if you're like me and have gone through a miscarriage, you don't want to get your hopes up that "this is it".

You become so used to constant medical supervision, that I almost think being released to your OB would be a little scary. Seeing my RE and the nursing staff multiple times each month has almost become a comfort for me. I know more about follicles, uterine lining, hormone medication and eggs than I ever knew I could. But knowing that I am being looked at and tested at least 6-7 times each month is routine now - and like I said, comforting in a weird way.

Now that I've experienced both ends of the spectrum (an 'oops' pregnancy after 2 days off the pill; now years of infertility), and somewhere in between (getting pregnant but losing the baby at 10 weeks), I see just how fragile this process of getting pregnant and having a baby really is!

I wouldn't wish miscarriage or infertility on anyone, but some days I do wish, just for a little while, that every Mom in America could know what it feels like to be in my shoes. I promise we would get less snarky remarks and a little more support!